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The 6 Strangest Objects People Were Caught Having Sex With

It says something about relations between the canada goose jacket uk UK and America when the Telegraph publishes the headline: “American Caught Having Sex With Picnic Table.” Seriously, does it matter where the guy was from? So what if one guy’s pursuit of happiness took the form of sticking his schlong inside the umbrella hole of a picnic table. Do not such things transcend borders?

After all, isn’t this the sort of thing that could happen to anybody? Maybe a girl had been there just moments ago, and rolled away at the last minute. Maybe it was dark.

Now, filming it the first time is understandable. You just want to have evidence for when the cops say, “There is no way some guy is fucking a table.” But somewhere after the second time, the overall impression you givr off goes from “disgusted” to “intrigued” to “DAMMIT IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU TABLE DEFILING STALLION! LOOK AT IT, JUST BEGGING FOR YOUR MIGHTY LANCE OF FLESH!”

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But eventually the neighbor did turn the tapes over to the police, who arrested the perpetrator and presumably drew straws over which poor bastard was going to watch the hours of evidence. The man was charged with felony counts of public indecency because his frolic with the world’s most vulnerable four legged beast happened near an elementary school.

A Sioux Falls, South Dakota man was arrested when a neighbor came home and had the following thought train barrel down the center of his mind, “Hmm, there appears to be a 60 year old man in my backyard in a trench coat and panty canada goose outlet canada goose outlet los angeles hose, holding a camcorder. Perhaps he’s a pervert.”

After the man was arrested, police found hours of tape that were kind of like that haunted video from The Ring, only instead of killing you, it just permanently negates the possibility of an erection for the remainder of your adult life. Police say the tapes included two years’ worth of the man defiling street signs.

The man’s escapades didn’t end there, either. His collection included video of himself in an all leather S outfit while grinding against a door frame, instantly making it twice as awkward as any other S film ever made.

By the way, this is the guy we’re talking about.

There was also canada goose outlet store uk video of him masturbating in front of traffic while wearing a mask, waving a gun at people while naked and digging a hole to literally fuck the ground. That has to be the pinnacle of messed up boning, right? Screwing the earth itself? Well we can say that he’s not the first guy to get caught doing it, so maybe it’s a thing. Who are we to judge?A Bicycle

A man from southwest Scotland apparently decided, while looking at his bike, that he wanted to ride it all night long, and in ways that would make Lance Armstrong weep tears of pure terror.

uk canada goose outlet This, presumably, was not a problem for anyone until the night that two cleaning ladies for a local canada goose sale uk hostel walked in on a sight far more horrifying than anything Eli Roth could come up with: The 51 year old Scottish man, with trou fully dropped, was “riding” a bike in a way that God never intended. uk canada goose outlet

It has 10 speeds, all of them are sexy as hell.

Oh, and did we mention that he stopped, knowing he was caught in one of canada goose jacket outlet uk the most awkward situations ever, acknowledged the canada goose outlet in uk cleaners in the room, and then continued gettin’ it on? Whether that is dedication, determination or retardation, it was probably backed with the thoughts and hopes that today would be the day he would get lucky and finally have that M F F Bike orgy he always longed for.

It didn’t take long for them to call the cops, who booked his ass on charges of sexual breach of the peace, which we assume is Europe speak for making everyone at the station say “What the Fuck?” and “Holy shit eww!” He ended up pulling a page out of the celebrity “I fucked up big time” book and chalked it up to alcohol instead of that funny feeling he got in his pants when he saw a tricycle when he was a child.

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Congratulations, you now know exactly how those school children and young women felt when they encountered this exact scenario in Wiltshire, England.

canada goose The nameless 32 year old man, whose identity is being protected for reasons we are unsure of (other than to not be called a “lamposexual” in public) was soon arrested for “suspicion of outraging public decency.” Suspicion? Really? Even with eye witnesses? Now we are curious to find out how much more detective work it would take to get a conviction on publicly boning a street lamp. canada goose

We would also like to take this opportunity to point out how England is dominating this list. Kind of adds a whole new layer to that Telegraph headline from earlier. “Extra! Extra! It’s an American fucking an inanimate object this time!”A Park Bench

Canada Goose Coats On Sale Late one canada goose outlet canada night, a certain man was walking around Hong Kong, in the park, lonely and bored. So he did what many of the lonely and bored people on this list did, and found the nearest thing with a hole in it to fuck. Then he saw it: a park bench, with holes in it. And then he made the fateful decision to have bit of the old in and out with it. What’s the harm? Canada Goose Coats On Sale

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So, yeah, from beginning to end that whole thing was one big Worst Case Scenario. All because of a single, momentary, horny lapse canada goose uk site of judgment. You’d think that would scare people of inanimate object sex forever, but there’s at least one guy we’re pretty sure is still going strong. His name is Edward Smith and he has sex with.

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canada goose clearance sale While there is a powerful social justice argument for reservations in education and employment for the marginalised scheduled casts/tribes and other backward classes, pro rata in the military has no such rationale, says Ajai Shukla canada goose clearance sale

Promotion politics within the army is dividing a tight knit fraternity.

That was evident from the bitterly polarised responses to my recent report in this newspaper on the canada goose outlet eu reshuffle of the army’s theatre commanders, the seven powerful generals who head the regional canada goose victoria parka outlet commands.

That reshuffle sidelined an outspoken general who opposed the army chief’s ill advised new promotion policy, which would have major generals selected on the canada goose outlet kokemuksia basis of quotas reserved for each arm, rather than on merit alone.

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An “arm”, in this context, is a component of the army that is distinguished by its function. For example, the armoured corps fights in tanks, the artillery operates long range howitzers and guns, the signals provide the voice and data links, the engineers bridge rivers and breech minefields, while the infantry the most numerous arm comprises foot soldiers (except for the mechanised infantry, now a separate arm, which moves on the battlefield in armoured vehicles).

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Each arm performs a crucial battlefield function, but its officers are trained to understand the battlefield in its entirety.

That is why the army’s “general cadre” officers of the rank of brigadiers, major generals, lieutenant generals, and the apex of the pyramid, the army chief himself has always been selected from these arms based on merit, not reserved vacancies.

Employing the innocuous rubric of “pro rata” promotion, vacancies at the rank of brigadier were reserved for each arm according to its numerical strength, ensuring that most brigadier vacancies were reserved for the infantry and artillery.

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Now General Bikram Singh wants to extend this to the next higher rank as well that of major general.

These chiefs have so far managed to get away with this. Unlike other canada goose outlet uk fake organisations, the army has no clear cut promotion manual canada goose outlet miami where selection criteria are written in stone.

Instead, army promotion policies exist in the form of multiple “policy canada goose canada-goosejacketsale.org jacket outlet letters”, with each army chief issuing fresh amendments to benefit his constituencies usually his arm, but equally other interests.

Now pro rata promotion is creeping in. When pro rata was introduced for brigadier rank a decade ago, the policy letter promised a review of the policy later. Today, with no review having been done, a fresh policy letter seeks to extend pro rata to major general rank.

The defence ministry can veto this policy, but has chosen to enjoy the spectacle.

It has endorsed the army chief’s sidelining of the army commander who steadfastly opposed pro rata.

The central army commander, Lieutenant General Anil Chait, who has been kicked upstairs, can only watch powerlessly from the canada goose sale uk backwaters of the Integrated Defence Staff.

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While there is a powerful social justice argument for reservations in education and employment for the marginalised scheduled casts/tribes and other backward classes, pro rata in the military has no such rationale.

canada goose clearance It is designed to benefit canada goose outlet store quebec the most influential sections of the army the infantry and the artillery which produce the most generals and almost all the army chiefs. canada goose clearance

uk canada goose outlet It is mystifying why generals from these dominant arms who quite openly disparage SC/ST and OBC reservations are being allowed to push reservations within the army. uk canada goose outlet

That they are doing so suggests a lurking insecurity, which stems from the fact that other arms notably the armoured corps and the mechanised infantry have produced more generals than their tiny numbers would suggest (though far less in absolute terms than the infantry and artillery).

In the 1970s and 1980s, this was perceived to be because the best cadets at military academies opted to join those glamorous arms; and so the academies began allocating cadets equally across different arms.

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Thereafter, promotion fortunes have fluctuated randomly, which is how it should be. Sometimes there are more infantry brigadiers and generals; at other times the armoured corps garners a disproportionate share of vacancies. As long as merit and quality prevail, this is quite in order.

Canada Goose Parka But the infantry and artillery want a guaranteed quota of vacancies through the myth that they serve in more operationally intense environments like J while the others protect their careers in “sheltered” postings. Canada Goose Parka

In fact, officers from all arms serve on cross attachment with infantry units, the Rashtriya Rifles, and formations deployed in counter insurgency operations and high altitude areas. The credits obtained from these deployments already boost a promotion candidate’s profile when compared to a relatively mundane “peacetime” report, so reservations are a redundant benefit.

Ombale succumbed to his injuries and Govilkar was discharged

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