The 6 Strangest Objects People Were Caught Having Sex With
It says something about relations between the canada goose jacket uk UK and America when the Telegraph publishes the headline: “American Caught Having Sex With Picnic Table.” Seriously, does it matter where the guy was from? So what if one guy’s pursuit of happiness took the form of sticking his schlong inside the umbrella hole of a picnic table. Do not such things transcend borders?
After all, isn’t this the sort of thing that could happen to anybody? Maybe a girl had been there just moments ago, and rolled away at the last minute. Maybe it was dark.
Now, filming it the first time is understandable. You just want to have evidence for when the cops say, “There is no way some guy is fucking a table.” But somewhere after the second time, the overall impression you givr off goes from “disgusted” to “intrigued” to “DAMMIT IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU TABLE DEFILING STALLION! LOOK AT IT, JUST BEGGING FOR YOUR MIGHTY LANCE OF FLESH!”
canada goose clearance “If my dick was a carpenter, this is canada goose outlet 2015 the table it would design.” canada goose clearance
But eventually the neighbor did turn the tapes over to the police, who arrested the perpetrator and presumably drew straws over which poor bastard was going to watch the hours of evidence. The man was charged with felony counts of public indecency because his frolic with the world’s most vulnerable four legged beast happened near an elementary school.
A Sioux Falls, South Dakota man was arrested when a neighbor came home and had the following thought train barrel down the center of his mind, “Hmm, there appears to be a 60 year old man in my backyard in a trench coat and panty canada goose outlet canada goose outlet los angeles hose, holding a camcorder. Perhaps he’s a pervert.”
After the man was arrested, police found hours of tape that were kind of like that haunted video from The Ring, only instead of killing you, it just permanently negates the possibility of an erection for the remainder of your adult life. Police say the tapes included two years’ worth of the man defiling street signs.
The man’s escapades didn’t end there, either. His collection included video of himself in an all leather S outfit while grinding against a door frame, instantly making it twice as awkward as any other S film ever made.
By the way, this is the guy we’re talking about.
There was also canada goose outlet store uk video of him masturbating in front of traffic while wearing a mask, waving a gun at people while naked and digging a hole to literally fuck the ground. That has to be the pinnacle of messed up boning, right? Screwing the earth itself? Well we can say that he’s not the first guy to get caught doing it, so maybe it’s a thing. Who are we to judge?A Bicycle
A man from southwest Scotland apparently decided, while looking at his bike, that he wanted to ride it all night long, and in ways that would make Lance Armstrong weep tears of pure terror.
uk canada goose outlet This, presumably, was not a problem for anyone until the night that two cleaning ladies for a local canada goose sale uk hostel walked in on a sight far more horrifying than anything Eli Roth could come up with: The 51 year old Scottish man, with trou fully dropped, was “riding” a bike in a way that God never intended. uk canada goose outlet
It has 10 speeds, all of them are sexy as hell.
Oh, and did we mention that he stopped, knowing he was caught in one of canada goose jacket outlet uk the most awkward situations ever, acknowledged the canada goose outlet in uk cleaners in the room, and then continued gettin’ it on? Whether that is dedication, determination or retardation, it was probably backed with the thoughts and hopes that today would be the day he would get lucky and finally have that M F F Bike orgy he always longed for.
It didn’t take long for them to call the cops, who booked his ass on charges of sexual breach of the peace, which we assume is Europe speak for making everyone at the station say “What the Fuck?” and “Holy shit eww!” He ended up pulling a page out of the celebrity “I fucked up big time” book and chalked it up to alcohol instead of that funny feeling he got in his pants when he saw a tricycle when he was a child.
Canada Goose sale So, imagine you are walking innocently down the street on an usually nice day in February. It’s a few days after Valentine’s Day and you still have warm, fuzzy feelings of love and tenderness skipping through your chest. Yes life is full of sunshine and rainbows. Nothing can ruin your day. right up to the moment you run into an extremely naked man grinding a lamp post like the strip show from Hell itself. Canada Goose sale
Congratulations, you now know exactly how those school children and young women felt when they encountered this exact scenario in Wiltshire, England.
canada goose The nameless 32 year old man, whose identity is being protected for reasons we are unsure of (other than to not be called a “lamposexual” in public) was soon arrested for “suspicion of outraging public decency.” Suspicion? Really? Even with eye witnesses? Now we are curious to find out how much more detective work it would take to get a conviction on publicly boning a street lamp. canada goose
We would also like to take this opportunity to point out how England is dominating this list. Kind of adds a whole new layer to that Telegraph headline from earlier. “Extra! Extra! It’s an American fucking an inanimate object this time!”A Park Bench
Canada Goose Coats On Sale Late one canada goose outlet canada night, a certain man was walking around Hong Kong, in the park, lonely and bored. So he did what many of the lonely and bored people on this list did, and found the nearest thing with a hole in it to fuck. Then he saw it: a park bench, with holes in it. And then he made the fateful decision to have bit of the old in and out with it. What’s the harm? Canada Goose Coats On Sale
uk canada goose Yes, that video is totally accurate, his penis got stuck in the bench. His ill advised boning adventure soon led to over a dozen emergency personnel attempting to rescue him, while trying to hold in the Nelson Muntz style laughter brewing inside each of them. uk canada goose
canada goose uk black friday The doctors had to use needles to drain blood from the man’s penis but, sadly for Xing, getting stabbed in the dick did nothing to stop the swelling and loosen things up, so the rescuers had to cut away the part of the bench that he was stuck to, and shipped him off by ambulance, where it took doctors a painfully long four hours to remove the sheet of metal from Le’s dong, which he almost lost. canada goose uk black friday
canada goose black friday sale “Ew, gross, not her. I want what’s under her. Hell yeah.” canada goose black friday sale
So, yeah, from beginning to end that whole thing was one big Worst Case Scenario. All because of a single, momentary, horny lapse canada goose uk site of judgment. You’d think that would scare people of inanimate object sex forever, but there’s at least one guy we’re pretty sure is still going strong. His name is Edward Smith and he has sex with.
canada goose uk shop Edward Smith’s love of cars didn’t translate into a nice collection of rare vehicles, or a career canadagooseofficials.ca as a mechanic. Oh, no, he’s on this list because he wanted to express his love in a different way. Awww yeah canada goose uk shop.